- The Archer
We'll All Get Plague
I received an email with the subject line "Plagued by Lovelessness."
I feel like, after what we have all been through and continue to endure that maybe we should be a little more careful with the word plague.
However, I was intrigued. Perhaps my issue is I have contracted the plague of lovelessness and they have not yet created a vaccine and we have not yet created a social hierarchy based on which vaccine we have received.
So naturally I read on.
Here is what I learned:
MINDFULNESS CAUSES LOVELESSNESS
Mindfulness has today become sacrosanct. This newfound dogma of mindfulness has become an axiomatic self-evident truth. It is neither self-evident nor an absolute truth. When it comes to falling in love, mindfulness is the problem, not the solution. Mindfulness is antithetical to love. Sigmund Freud had a patient who after years of psychoanalysis handed Sigmund a sheath of papers delineating the pros and cons of marrying a certain woman. Sigmund tore the papers and threw it to the ground saying: “There are two decisions in life that no conscious reason should determine the choice because that decision will invariably not end well. Choice of spouse and choice of career. In both, if you consciously know why, it will never be satisfying. In both, if it does not satisfy your subconscious needs, it never will be satisfying. Marriage must be the mutual satisfaction of each other’s subconscious needs.”
As soon as I read this I got really excited.
There is nothing in the world like one random person from an organization that I have absolutely no idea what it is or how they got my email disparaging a common theme in modern day mental health because obviously all modern day people are the worst and we should go back to the good old days of Sigmund Freud and women having issues because we're upset that G-D didn't give us the special-est gift of all, the possession of a penis, obviously.
So now, if I am to understand correctly, the problem with me is that I am thinking too much. I practice mindfulness. I try to feel my emotions deeply and stay in the present. And because of that-according to this email-I have destroyed my natural sexual energy and made it all about my brain! And we know brains are stupid because nerds use their brains and no one likes nerds! That's why we sent Jeff Bezos to space! I need to subconsciously choose my mate and also my job based on my happy slappy inner voice and stop with all these thoughts.
As they say in Beauty and the Beast:
Gaston: Lafou you should know I've been thinking
Lafou: A dangerous past time
Gaston: I know
We all need to pull out our inner Gastons, the ones who know that thinking is terrible and you should act entirely on action-like when Gaston tried to ambush the town's only hot girl into an actual wedding because she prettyyyyyyyyyy. Meanwhile Belle with her books and dreams and thoughts deserves weird animal sex with the beast because thoughts are garbage.
But don't worry, there's more:
(I do want to point out here that they did include Torah sources and I am ignoring them because I am not disparaging the Torah. I am disparaging one organization's interpretation of the Torah. And, based on the amount of Jewish mental health professionals I know, there are clearly counter arguments that probably prove the opposite thing using the same Torah verse.)
They wrote, in a paragraph that was, approximately, the height of a five year old, that there are chemical pathways that lead to love, that are separate for men and women, and that cause the feeling of being struck by love. And that, naturally, the problem is that we all emerge from those initial hormone driven feelings and then are potentially stuck with a person who we didn't love, we just had a chemical obsession with.
So what is the solution?
Well, first off a typo:
PLAUGED BY LOVELESSNESS
Followed by a full scale attack on the goyim and their ways. Those goyim. Always making ways.
Lovelessness is now mainstream, the norm rather than the exception. Mindfulness not only prevents you from falling in love, it also prevents you from finding real love which is only attained by selflessly giving instead of selfishly taking. The rational mind may be logically correct in positing that giving more than you are getting is inequitable, unfair and self-defeating[.] The rational mind may even be justified in resenting the recipient of your gifts, labeling them as controlling, inappropriate and even abusive. The rational mind, quoting adaptation theory, focuses on self-preservation, always looking out for Number One. It is irrational to make the other Number One. Raised in a competitive society where a person’s worth is measured by accomplishment, where self-actualization is idealized, and where any compromise of autonomy only makes sense within the bounds of social contract theory, the rational mind cannot wrap its mind around Chesed, giving without any expectation of personal benefit. Altruism is reduced to selfishness, that I give today in order to get when I may be in need tomorrow. So these goyim have made it that we compete with each other and because of that we are always looking out for ourselves and because of that we can't give properly to another person.
But wasn't it these same goyim who thought every kid should get a trophy?
This is an outright condemnation of the thinking mind, and of the minds natural tendencies. Apparently my natural tendencies are goyish, though my 23andme says I'm 99.7% ashkenasi Jew.
Also I really really like people who are self actualized. They are...genuine? The type of people you can rely on at any time because they lack self doubt and they know who they are. But also they are disgusting monsters who should never get married obviously.
The goyish mindset that no longer calls it marriage, but partnership has degraded a loving relationship to a functional, profitable entity to jointly accomplish common goals, a business arrangement as easily dissolved as formed. While study after study consistently finds that the only thing that correlates with happiness is marriage, America has secretly waged war on marriage. Mainstream American mores and unrecognized axiomatic beliefs render many incapable of love. In addition, because of a culturally induced fear of intimacy, fear of commitment, or fear of losing highly valued independence, many are terrified of vulnerability or of sacrificing their independence. Marriages, at best, are marriages of convenience: Parallel lives never the twain to meet. You certainly can, and many do, marry because it makes sense. You can choose a perfectly logical marriage of convenience but this falls far short of the mark. The goyish model of love and marriage, promulgated by the secular media from epic romance novels to love story movies and theater, does not work for goyim. Why would you think it works for Jews? Nothing worse than a loveless marriage. Better off dead.
HIDE YOUR KIDS HIDE YOUR WIVES THE GOYIM ARE COMING WITH THEIR MOVIES TO BRAINWASH YOU INTO BEING A SINGLE PERSON FOR LONGER THAN TWENTY TWO YEARS OF LIFE.
I so want to know; what movies has this writer seen? Were they good? Did he cry at the end? Who does he think is hotter, Kate Hudson or Reese Witherspoon?
WHAT'S A JEW TO DO?
In shidduchim, over-thinking it and under-feeling it, prevents the spark that can ignite love. Everyone has a different reason for getting married. The time and place for mindfullness is from the time you get a shidduch suggestion and begin dating. There are numerous cognitive distortions and biases to overcome to narrow down the possibilities to one that is a fit. But this selection process does not buy you love. Stuck in endless incessant judgmental interrogation to be vigilant for red flags, you never connect. Mindful of one little detail may make you overly dismissive so that you never even meet for the first time. You may never meet your bashert, even once. Coming to a date with hyper-critical negativism rather than with an open mind, dooms a possible relationship from developing. You can’t force it but you do have to be open to it. To let it happen, don’t just use your head, use your heart. Have fun. Playfully connect. Make a best friend and then build from there to true love. Focus on the relationship. When you are open to it, love will find you. Welcome the terrifying vulnerability, the mindless insanity. Jews don’t marry who they love but passionately love who they marry. When you’re in a loving relationship, you’re happier and healthier. Not only is this a love that can last a lifetime, it also makes your life last longer and is the true key to happiness. Fall madly and deliriously in love and give it your all so it lasts a lifetime. It’s as good as it gets.
Ok shidduch daters we have a solution, are you ready? Stop thinking. Turn off those useless mind potatoes and allow your chemicals to do the work. Otherwise you may notice things like red flags or issues or you may learn the real truth about a person which is bad garbage. Go in with your heart-you know, the one that beats really fast during Ryan Reynolds movies, and then just make your heart keep loving the person you married forever.
I want to comment more on this but the sentences literally don't make sense or connect and I have no clue what they are trying to say other than singles are single because we are negative overthinkers who have destroyed each other with our searches for red flags.
And meanwhile the divorce rate creeps up because the red flags do exist. They're just hidden behind PHDs and close knit families.
Contrary to what this email has commanded, I intend to keep using my mind, even if it is a much smaller and lesser girl mind that will never be satisfied until it gets a penis of its own (Freud said that, look it up.)
I will use my mind and my intellect to connect with people on all sorts of levels from the deepest to the trivial. I will open my heart to whatever comes my way and use my brain and all the $200,000 of Jewish school tuition that has been deposited into it to make smart choices. I won't chase the cute guy with the great job who clearly doesn't treat women well. That's why I like to use my heart and my brain together. You might call it mindfulness, I call it hearing the voice of my soul.
And let's be more careful with the word plague
At least until there's a good vaccine.