- The Archer
Type A For Awesome
I am Type A. I am also a Sag who enjoys chaos. I like to Type A my chaos. A crazy vacation schedule where, if I follow every schedule to the letter, I'll have just enough time to do everything. A crazy amount of books per year-that I keep listed and organized of course. When I first moved to New York I was very homesick and missed being able to just drive around with my friends. Someone suggested that I build out my calendar, plan things to do in the upcoming weeks that I could look forward to, instead of feeling that time was a large abyss until I got to go home and take a normal shower again. I found that this tactic helps me in all areas. I plan things ahead of time and by having a plan I make my life fun and exciting and keep it cost effective. I don't find myself with nothing to do unless I've planned it that way. I take advantage of NYC and of all the places where I travel.
I understand that most people are not this way. They enjoy the floating from place to place, not placing any pressure on themselves and allowing themselves to just be. I always feel like I can't be, I need to do. But, in my friend groups I tend to be the planner, the organizer, the Dad, or the Mom. I love being that person and I own my role. Sometimes a little too much.
Then there's dating.
A boy will call me and we'll chat for a bit about the weather and work and I'll tell him to text me to set up our date.
For me that means in the next hour, tops.
For guys that often means the morning of the date.
The problem for me is I book my gym classes a month in advance and can only cancel more than eight hours before the class. I plan my dinner dates with my friends weeks early. I plan when I need to go to the library and when I need to go to the grocery store and exactly what food I will eat when.
So, when someone texts me at 11 am on a Tuesday and says "Are you around tonight?" that doesn't make me feel good.
When they say the date is at 7 and they arrive at 7:27 I don't feel good. And, though I live in the worst traffic city on Earth, I would expect them to have planned traffic into their drives.
When a boy asks me to plan our first date because he doesn't know what to do, I want to take over and plan a good date for me. A date that will essentially be me taking me out on a date but with a dude there. My allowing me to plan the date he's taken all his power away. Now I see him as a friend at best and at worst someone I'm babysitting. But he isn't my husband because I want my husband to be at least someone proficient at googling.
Some people have suggested laying out my comfort zone. Sending the boy a text that says "Hi there, can you let me know which night we are going out? It will help me to plan my work schedule."
I do that now but again, it takes away all of the initiative points the boy might have otherwise earned with me.
I want to find a way to feel comfortable and safe and not hate the guy before we've even met because of the impression he gave me when he took 4 days to send me a simple text, or when he asked. me for my address an hour before the date was scheduled to start.
I'm trying not to judge. I'm trying to go with the flow. But I'm fire not water, and I'm burning a hole in the ground if I stand still.
So for now I've been texting boys and asking for them to schedule our dates. Even with this guidance it sometimes feels like getting a kindergartener to use scissors properly. No not that way...you know what? It's fine.
I'm trying to separate this from wanting to be swept off my feet. I know that that's a fantasy directed at me from 26.5 years of pure media immersion but, instead of showing up on a white horse, can you at least let me know which gym class I need to cancel? Cause I booked that a month ago and I only heard of you last week.
I want someone to love me for all my Types including the A one. They don't have to be as crazy as me, they just have to show at the beginning that they can treat me the way I feel I deserve to be treated.
I feel like that's the type.