• The Archer

The Folklore of Dating For Evermore

Updated: Jan 19, 2021

2020 has been a hard year for everyone (except for psychiatrists who don't take insurance, they're doing great) and Queen Taylor Swift knows this. She may be baking cookies with her one true love and eating them in a giant bird cage filled with pillows and cats but she recognizes her own privilege. She used her empathetic soul to write not one but TWO surprise albums that she hoped would bring comfort to her fans. And boy oh boy did these albums deliver.


Folklore, a Leo, is fire sign twins with its sister, Evermore, a Sagittarius. Both bring us all the passionate emotions and drama that you would expect from fire signs. Both also have given me deeper insight into shidduchim, despite the fact that their writer, Queen Taylor, never dated in the shidduch system. We stan a queen of empathy. Let me take you through these masterpieces in a deep dive into shidduchim as explained in lyrics from Folklore/Evermore.


Folklore

And if you never bleed you're never gonna grow-The 1

A shadchan, after slapping you in the face for saying no after one date


Giving Me Your Weekends-Cardigan

Trying to arrange a date when you both work 9-5 and he has shiur afterwards and you are studying for the CPA


She had a marvelous time ruining everything-The Last Great American Dynasty

Everyone in your community commenting on your shidduch prospects after you wear a skirt one inch too short to shul on Simcha Torah


Laughing but the joke's not funny at all-Exile

Me, 98% of the time a guy tells a joke or a funny story on a date and I'm waiting for the punchline and it doesn't come.


You turned into your worst fears-My Tears Ricochet

You, sobbing into a birthday cake any age above 25


I'll show you every version of yourself tonight-Mirrorball

Guys before they decide to mimic a girl's personality because they don't have enough personality of their own


I hit my peak at seven-Seven

When telling a shadchan your essential age (learn more here.)


Back when we were still changing for the better-August

Explaining to Shadchans why you won't date a guy above 30 unless you can find out what his problem is beforehand


I just wanted you to know that this is me trying-This Is Me Trying

You, to all your family members and friends when they wonder why you haven't gone on dates for 2 weeks


Don't call me kid-Illicit Affairs

When your married friend tells you that you are still young


I used to think I would meet somebody-Invisible String

Reflecting on how you used to believe you would get married


Every time you call me crazy I get more crazy/ What about that?/ And when you say I seem angry I get more angry/And there's nothing like a mad woman/ what a shame she went mad/ no one likes a mad woman/ you made her like that-Mad Woman

When you ask the people in your life, the guys you date, and shadchans to treat you with the respect you deserve as a person and an adult for the 2000th time


Holds your hand through plastic now-Epiphany

When you're really into each other but shomer


You heard the rumors from Inez/You can't believe a word she says-Betty

When you hear about a new guy who sounds perfect


The devil's in the details-Peace

Trying to explain to the shadchan why you don't like the guy when there isn't a concrete answer-you just have a bad feeling


This has broken me down/my twisted knife/my sleepless night/my winless fight/this has frozen my ground-Hoax

A good look at your neshama after a year or so in shidduchim


I'm not cut out for all these cynical clones/these hunters with cell phones-The Lakes

After dealing with shadchanim




Evermore

The more that you say/the less I know-Willow

Going to a shiur about shidduchim and hearing about how the girls are too picky


I can't dare to dream about you anymore-Gold Rush

When you turn 24 and give up on finding the right guy


'Tis the damn season-'Tis The Damn Season

When three of your friends get engaged in 2 weeks


I sit and watch you/I notice everything you do or don't do-Tolerate It

Checking off the checklist of appropriate date behavior so you can tell your mother he did the bare minimum and you were floored with it


I think I'm gonna call him out-No Body No Crime

When he shows up 20 minutes late, doesn't open the door for you and won't wear a mask


There'll be happiness after you-Happiness

When you're on a date and he says "so, can I take you home?" and you realize that it's still early enough to eat ice cream and watch Netflix


Do you ever stop and think about me-Dorothea

When he pulls up and says "so where's the nearest Starbucks?' and you feel like he didn't consider your feelings at all


Lost again with no surprises/disappointments close your eyes and it gets/colder and colder-Coney Island

When he refuses to ask for directions and is beyond lost and it's past 11 pm and you just want to go home


Oh I can't/stop you putting roots in my dreamland-Ivy

When you still have a chuppah fantasy after you get a resume even though you've been down this road before


Now I'm waiting by the phone/like I'm sitting in an airport bar-Cowboy Like Me

When you have a great date but you told him some of your crazy and now you're waiting for the shadchan to call and tell you if there'll be another date


Fatefully/I tried to pick my battles/till the battle picked me-Long Story Short

Hoping at 19 you'll marry one of the first guys you date. Realizing at 23 it isn't going to happen.


And if I didn't know better/I'd think you were talking to me now-Marjorie

When you are dating a mumbler


And seeing the shape of your name still spells out pain-Closure

When you date a Yaakov or Moshe and it ends badly and then you realize that every guy is named Yaakov or Moshe


I was catching my breath-Evermore

When he walks quickly and talks a lot and you're wearing heels and jogging to keep up and then he asks you a question


friends break up/friends get married/strangers get born/ strangers get buried/rumors fly/through new skies/but I'm right where you left me-Right Where You Left Me

When anyone asks you how you are doing


When the dinner is cold/ and the chatter gets old-It's Time To Go

When you know it is time to bring up Panda Sex.


And finally



She would have made such a lovely bride/what a shame she's fucked in the head-Champagne Problems

Me, in the mirror, after every date.




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