• The Archer

Politically Inclined

Today I got another shidduch resume (there have been a few) that asked specifically for a girl who is unvaccinated. This is because there is a rumor running around that vaccinated people (all 4.4 billion of us) are risking our fertility which would be very bad because the point of a Jewish woman's existence is to be a crockpot for future Jewish men and also tiny baby crockpots.


First of all I would just like to state for the record that my opinion on vaccines aligns with Dr. House from the TV show House when he tells a mother who is refusing to vaccinate her kid that she may not be putting money in the hands of Big Pharma but if she and enough people like her take on that opinion she will definitely be putting money in the hands of the people who make teeny tiny baby coffins for infants and toddlers. See the clip here.


But I'm not a vaccine expert, nor am I a political expert. My areas of expertise are gymnastics, Taylor Swift, shidduchim, terrible first dates, being emotionally stunted, literary fiction from 2015 and on, and scheduling.


Thanks to podcasts and Youtube clips and talk shows most people now believe themselves to be political experts, despite the fact that no one actually knows anything. Perhaps I was too young before 2016 but I seem to remember that no one used to care this much? When I was in fourth grade and it was Bush vs Kerry (yes I just aged myself) we all cared very deeply because we were in fourth grade and if someone had told us to care about sloths very deeply we would have. We used the election as an opportunity to find anyone who was "other" (in frum day school that means democrats) and mercilessly attack them for their political beliefs despite the fact that none of us could vote, leave our houses without supervision, or point out Iraq on a map. Even a labeled map. When the election ended we would find a new "other" to use to attack our classmates such as the wrong socks or using the wrong orthodontist. But, at my house with my parents, both educated people, there wasn't a loud fervor around the election or the candidates. They simply exchanged logistics a few days before the election to ensure that both of them would be able to vote without facing long lines, missing too much work, and having adequate childcare for myself and my siblings. This cycle repeated itself in eighth grade with McCain v. Obama where once again myself and my classmates cared very much and the grownups in my life mostly exchanged polling information. Of course, there were a few grownups that cared very much and sought to convince me and my eighth grade peers (who still could not vote or find Iraq on a map) that one side was better than another. As I grew up I realized that, though in eighth grade I thought I was the center of the universe, anyone who has a serious policy argument with a fourteen year old outside of educational purposes should probably spend a long time evaluating their life choices. And, even those who teach children the value of the democratic system should be sure to remain neutral as it is impossible to properly pick a side in an argument like taxes, health insurance, abortion, or marriage equality while having zero life experience and not actually getting to participate in any of those activities-which may be the reason we don't allow children to vote.


And perhaps my parents were simply good parents who did a good job at shielding me from the crazy people who needed to constantly talk politics and used politics as a quantifying factor for everything. But I also think that the world has exploded due to the rise of shareable videos and social media. And now everyone thinks that they are an expert, when, in fact, they sound a little like me and my friends when we were in the fourth grade.


Of course, it is important to know some things before you vote so that you can make an educated choice. Luckily, the candidates make lots of information available on their sites, on social media, during televised rallies, and in the endless debates. I'm not saying we should all be apolitical. I'm just wondering when politics became everyone's personality.


We should vote, we are lucky to have that right, especially as Jews who spent most of history with no voice as to who was going to come and murder us next. But voting is also a personal choice. It takes place in private and, contrary to popular belief, there are no prizes for voting for the winner. That's called betting and is frowned upon in many belief systems.


I also want to point out that presidential elections happen once every four years and house/senate elections are one every two years. We do not need to spend every waking moment of our existences talking about a president who is unlikely to be fired before his or her (it's never going to be a woman) tenure is up. We can discuss it for the month proceeding the election, but honestly, I don't want to discuss it with you. I'm going to watch some debates and look at the websites, or maybe I'll vote based on whose tie I like more on election day. I may even vote on who I believe is hotter and I may have done that in the past. You don't get to know because that's my vote and it's private. It's my choice and nothing you say or do is going to change my mind.


So, you're looking for someone unvaccinated because of the risk of the crockpot being broken? It's scary to think that the crockpot may not crock the ingredients the way you want. That is, in fact, a risk with literally every woman. Every single woman on Earth has the risk of dealing with infertility or miscarriage. Are we going to begin instituting pre marital fertility tests next?


If you've been reading this blog for awhile or know me at all you know where I am going.


Perhaps that makes the most sense. After all, fertility issues are never ever ever ever ever related to the man ever so it must be all the woman's fault. Just like how it is the woman's fault if she only has girls (because it definitely isn't carried on the sperm.) Since EVERYTHING is the woman's fault, we should institute pre marital fertility tests to make sure no deserving and perfect man ends up with a faulty crock pot.


We can even start dressing the fertile women differently so men will know which women are the best and fruitiest.


You know like

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Sorry y'all, I had to. You did see it coming from a mile away.


My vaccine is my choice and even if I want everyone to have to be vaccinated so that THIS FREAKING PANDEMIC CAN END AND I CAN GO BACK TO MY LIFE ALREADY that's everyone's choice. I cannot bring vaccines on dates and vaccinate unwilling men. I know this because I asked a doctor and they were like "No we aren't giving you extra shots to randomly vaccinate people."


At the end of the day I made a choice and you make your choices. I also chose to publicize my goal of reading 200 books a year which makes for a very stressful December. You don't have to do that because I did it.


I think I'm right about most of the things I do. So do you. That's why we do those things.


And I'm not expecting all my choices to be the same as my spouses'. For example if he also chooses to measure his time in increments of Ten Minute All Too Wells (Taylor's Version) we may have a problem.


I'm kind of tired of this all politics all the time era. It's boring and tedious and no one actually knows what they are talking about-no matter how many podcasts they listen to. It also causes us to put ourselves into boxes because G-D forbid we have differing opinions from the person we voted for, who suddenly has taken the role of Rebbe, doctor, and fashion icon as well as politician.


So yeah boys, I got vaccinated because health and travel and normalcy are more important to me than a rumor. If you value the rumor, fine. Just remember what your specifications say about you.


And yet another reason to say no, to go on less dates, to have less eligible partners. We divide and divide and divide but dividing by zero still gets you an error.


Blessed be the fruit.




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