Make It Look Effortless
One of the last things I did before Corona that felt normal was going to see a performance of Swan Lake at the New York City ballet. I've loved ballet ever since in the ninth grade I rewarded myself for a hard month of studying for finals by pirating Black Swan and checking every 30 seconds to be sure my mother was still asleep.
No fifteen year old should watch that movie. I loved it.
Since I moved to New York I've made it my business to see a ballet every year. I've seen the Nutcracker, obviously, and Sleeping Beauty and Alice in Wonderland and Jewels but it was always my goal to see Swan Lake and this year I finally got my wish. It did not disappoint.
I also have read a ton of books about ballet and watched ballet movies and shows. Most recently I watched a documentary about the School for American Ballet put out by Disney+. There I got to see the inner lives of the children and teens who train to be the next generation of the New York City Ballet.
One thing that the teachers, whether portrayed as heroes or villains, in these books, movies, and shows, always say is "make it look effortless."
Ballerinas are supposed to float across the stage. You see their muscles held taught in lines so straight you could use them as levels, but you aren't supposed to see the effort in their bodies, facial expressions, or even in the moisture that should be dripping from them.
You usually don't even see them sweat by some miracle.
I might be experienced in dating but often times it still feels like everyone around me is a ballerina and they are all getting where they need to be effortlessly while I:
I'll give an example: I know plenty of people who get set up by Shadchans and who find their spouses through a Shadchan. I feel as though, in that regard I am doing everything right. I paid money, signed up for services, and once a month send a reminder note that I exist to 20 Shadchans around the country. I get the same results every single month:
2 thank yous
1 lady who invites me for Shabbos
1 lady who says "Can we talk?" We do and she comes up with an idea for me and then never responds if the boy said yes. We have done this every month for four months running.
16 totally ignore me.
Again, are the rest of the ballerinas out there equipped with something I am not? I see these women on their Whatsapp stories congratulating themselves on the matches they've made. So....where's mine?
The trying to get another date dance is the worst of all the dances because it is exhausting and never-ending and no one around you can see it.
I'm in a dry spell right now and I haven't seen a resume in awhile which is bad for my hope and for creating content for this blog :-).
I'm also an emotionally loud person, I may have mentioned before that I am a Sagittarius and I CAN'T HELP IT. Yesterday I screamed on the street while listening to a podcast. I feel the things and then I react to them with all of me.
It's like being a Broadway Star (but with no talent) in the maze of ballet dancers: I'm loud, I show all the things all the time, I act as if I am centerstage even off stage. Ballet is subtle, it's the turning of an ankle and the angle of a neck. If you don't have it, you never will.
As I advertise my availability, shout it from the rooftops, I wonder if the matchmakers out there are looking for something more subtle. If so, they won't find it here.
I'm tap dancing.