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  • The Archer

It's All My Fault Part 2

As some of you may remember in this post a dating website that I had used in the past had shut down and in the most noble way possible, put all their blame on the consumers. In this case, me.

I'm a millennial, part of the generation that likes to interrupt industries. We single handedly destroyed hotels, taxis, napkins, diamond rings, and the housing market by being paid so little and having so much debt that we created cheaper options or decided to do without. It only makes sense that I, a millennial, would also vindictively troll the internet looking for innocent websites who only want to serve Hashem and destroy them with my non usage.

So, as I already chronicled, the dating website was destroyed by me and my ilk, other singles who didn't use the site properly.

But then.

Like Aslan the lion, the site rose from the dead off of a cracked alter. (Side note: what an original idea by CS Lewis.) This week I received an email that said:

We are awed by and appreciative of the overwhelming responses we received from you over the past two weeks. The general sentiment we heard again and again was, "please don't close - Klal Yisroel needs REDACTED."

Klal Yisroel needs this site. We need mashiach, we need to do mitzvos, we need to spend less money on shaloch manos and we need this random shidduch site.

As a member of Klal Yisroel I'm kind of mad that someone spoke on my behalf. Do we have representatives? Tribal princes? I just want to know how to get my voice heard.

And so, after an extensive review of the issues that led to our decision to close, we are delighted to share with you this latest update: REDACTED is remaining open, with two new member requirements. To continue participating in the network, members must satisfy :

  1. Payment of a $25 membership fee

  2. Adherence to a new accountability policy

So now we arrive at the good part-they want our money! Which is fine because it grows on trees. Except I live in Manhattan where there are no trees. I don't think a Jewish organization has ever found a problem it couldn't solve by asking for more money. I do hope the $25 membership fee will allow them to ask me for even more money for their brother's wife's cousin's Yeshiva Rebbe who got COVID-19 and got better but then his house caught fire but they put it out but now he has gout.

Until now, REDACTED has been able to offer this service at no charge due to the founders' exclusive support. The founders can no longer carry the full financial burden to meet the growing site's demands, and as such, a $25 annual, non-refundable membership fee is required to use REDACTED. We thank those who can extend a tax-deductible donation beyond the required membership. All funds help cover operating expenses, develop the site further to enhance functionality, and promote our communities' participation to increase the number of profiles.

Don't worry about waiting to be asked for donations, they got right to it.

Accountability Policy A member's registration is also contingent on the responsive use of the site. As an organization that seeks to maintain a respectful and productive atmosphere consistent with our Torah values, we ask all members to:

  1. Respond to suggested matches in a timely and considerate manner. It is perfectly acceptable to reply with a short response, such as "Thank you for reaching out; I do not think this is well-suited."

I can do timely. But considerate? That is asking too much of me. Besides, if I don't respond rudely and instigate a fight, how will I get content for my blog?

2. Notify our team if they've attempted a prospective match two times over two weeks with no response or if they've encountered offensive communication from someone on the site

3. Share the news of their engagements so that we can celebrate with them and remove their profiles.

How far does this go. Do I have to invite them to my wedding? Vort? Shower? Bachelorette party? Wedding night? Because I already have the invite lists made for all of those so this seems inconvenient.

In the case of unresponsive or inappropriate communication, the member's profile will be removed, and his/her access deactivated.

We feel privileged for this opportunity to continue our partnership WITH you, FOR you.

OH THIS IS ALL FOR ME. I feel just so HONORED to be taken care of in this way.

In general I feel like people have been doing things for me that aren't really for me. They create sites and fancy shadchan coaching programs because they want my money. Events are made with the best intentions in mind and end up as forums for divorced-with-kids, underemployed, socially off boys to try their luck with girls who are lightyears out of their league. People try to set me up because I am a skirt without a pair of pants. They don't see me as me, just a problem that they want to solve.

That's why I'm doing some things that are for me. I'm not going to events any more. I'm also not contacting shadchanim. I've decided to live my life as the happy self partnered person I am and if I am supposed to produce live young, then G-D can Amazon Prime me a man. But meanwhile, I am happy. I am content. I am not a problem. I'm a person.

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