• The Archer

I Think I've Seen This Film Before

Looking through my list I realize I have a problem: I've already covered most of my next few boys in some way or another. #26, #28 and #31 I know I absolutely covered in my article Boring. Boys #27, #29, #30, and #32 I've also covered in some detail in previous articles.


But I'm going to cover my bases because it's opening day of the 2022 Major League Baseball season. Here are the major points of the late twenties/mid-thirties period of my dating life:


#27 We will call Podcast because the first thing he asked me was if I listen to podcasts and i said "sometimes I listen to a gymnastics podcast" and he responded "is that just listening to people do gymnastics?" and I said "That would be a series of thumps." I am proud of that line to this day. We went out for lunch on a Sunday, had a nice time, mutually decided we weren't hashkafically compatible. He did treat me well because he was younger than me. Also, this was, I believe, the only decent date I have ever gotten out of a dating app.


#29 I've definitely covered. He's the one who wanted to hear me make my brachos out loud and insisted I get an appetizer and a main because "he likes a girl who can eat." I wanted to go out with him again because the food on the first date was exquisite but he turned me down. I do remember when he picked me up I saw he was wearing the tighter jeans in the entire world and I wondered how long it took him to get them on. I later told this to my friend who is a biology major and she gave me this helpful scientific advice: "You mom's grandchildren are being squished in there." Ah, the miracles of reproduction. Not sure if he was gay, metrosexual, or just weird. I think it was just weird. I will remember that meal fondly as the time I discovered my love for beef carpaccio.


#30 I covered in the very early days of this blog in "An Ode To Sunflower Cafe." You can read everything you need to know about our date there.


#32 I covered in Burning Out, where I aptly named him Beauty and the Beast. He seemed beyond burnt out and was rather rude to me, but I am happy to report he must have gotten over that because he married a friend of a friend. As far as I know (and I stalk them plenty) the other three guys in this article remain single.


So, not much new information for you, but a good time to go back and reread (most likely while you are pooping) and now I have straightened out my spreadsheet and am ready to move on to the next period in my dating life: Immediatly pre/during COVID.



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