- The Archer
I Don't Know How It Gets Better Than This
On April 9, Taylor Swift rereleased her Sophomore album known as Fearless. Taylor is currently rerecording her first 6 albums in order to own the rights to the work that she made herself. When Taylor signed with her record label way back in 2005, she signed a standard contract that allowed her label to own the masters to her work (that she created) for the first 6 albums she would create if she was that successful. At the time of her sixth album, she would be allowed to purchase the rights to her masters if she so chose.
But then, that 15 year old who was horrifically bad at putting on eyeliner became TAYLOR SWIFT and her label realized that she has one of the most lucrative streaming catalogues in existence. So, after her sixth album, instead of offering her the option to buy the masters, it was sold to Taylor's enemy, producer Scooter Braun, who eventually sold to a venture capital firm.
This is all a ploy to control Taylor and make money off of her past and future endeavors. The lesson here is no matter what you do to make men happy/rich/famous/award winning it will never be enough because men are trash.
So Taylor is now taking back control by rerecording her albums. She started with Fearless, her first (of three so far) album to win Album of the Year at the Grammys. She also included some of the songs that were cut from the album originally because it was released in 2008 and back then you had to be able to fit your songs on one CD. To honor Taylor's journey and music, I'm going through the album to find some of the lines that best describe shidduchim.
So baby drive slow, till we run out of road
He insisted on not listening to the GPS and now you're at the edge of a cliff/lake and he thinks if you go a few feet more you'll see a road to where the cute park where he takes all the girls is.
Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday
When you first saw the resume and it had medical school and a great yeshiva on it. Spoiler alert: when he picked you up he had stains on his shirt.
We keep quiet cause we're dead if they knew
When you tell the Shadchan the date ended at 11, but really you were out until 1.
I've seen it all, so I thought,
When you get a resume that's a new level of crazy (he doesn't believe in ages, genders, or hashkafos!) and you get to be surprised all over again
Holding on, the days drag on
When he's talking to his Rabbi about you and won't give you an answer if there's another date or not
You Belong With Me
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like
When you're dating a guy who's trying something new and dating shiksas who listen to goyish music after only dating Shwekey lovers for the last three years
And we know it's never simple never easy
What the shadchan tells you after you get dumped even though she swore that she makes life very simple for all of her precious singles
Tell Me Why
I got no one to believe in
Whenever anyone tells you to just daven harder
You're Not Sorry
Could've loved you all my life, if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold
When he parks 8 blocks away from the restaurant and it's 22 degrees but he never once wore a jacket throughout all of middle school and high school on a dare so his blood is so thick you could use it to make gingerbread cookies and now he doesn't notice the cold but when you get home you have to crack off two of your toes
The Way I Loved You
There are so many so I'm going with all of them:
All my single friends are jealous
When you tell your friends that a shadchan texted you back...even if it was to raise money for her husband's yeshiva he went to in 1978.
He opens up my door, and I get into his car
and then he doesn't close the door and you already buckled so now you have to lean out and wildly grab for the door so it'll shut.
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain and it's two AM and I'm cursing your name
When you have to date a normal human guy after fake dating vampires and Ryan Reynolds and major league baseball players for years
He respects my space
When you get to the park and sit on a bench and he sits down on another bench four benches over
Hes close to my mother, talks business with my father
When he's only dating you because he has a major lawyer crush on your dad
Forever and Always
We almost never speak
When the Shadchan asks what happened on the first date
The Best Day
I don't know why all the trees change in the fall, but I know you're not scared of anything at all
When you date a guy who stopped taking general studies in eighth grade but he wants to show you how smart he is by merging five lanes at once
Somebody else gets what you wanted again, you know it's all the same another time and place, repeat in history and you're getting sick of it
Every two weeks when another friend/relative/kid you used to babysit for gets engaged
Jump Then Fall
I like the way I can't keep my focus
When you realize your drink definitely had too much alcohol in it on a date
Untouchable like a distant diamond sky
Beis Yaakov girls before they get that kesubah
Come In With The Rain
And I, know all the steps, up to your door
When he's picked you up 20 times and seen the same homeless guy in front of your building every time. The homeless guy is getting the third bracha at your wedding now BTW.
Also afternoon and night loneliness and midnight snack loneliness
The Other Side of the Door
Ignoring words you were saying
When he tells the same story about his friend from yeshiva
Today Was A Fairytale
and you picked me up at six
Don't assume just cus it's 6 you're getting dinner
You All Over Me
Wasted time, lost tears, swore that I'd get out of here
There's a special place in hell you go when you've been really bad called Shidduchim and this line is above the door
Mr. Perfectly Fine
It takes everything in me just to get up each day but it's wonderful to see that you're ok
When your friend posts pictures from her shana rishona every other day and she hasn't called you since her wedding when she needed another eyebrow pencil
We Were Happy
Back when i deserved it
Taylor getting all dark and ruining my self esteem-ladies we do not get things because we deserve them, we just get what we're meant to get, deserve or not
I need some time need some space to think about all of this
Trying to date a Sagittarius and you're like "hi" and the sag is like "WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH ME???"
I knew I'd run into you somewhere
Every time you go to the grocery store and see a guy you dated
Bye Bye Baby
And all I have is your sympathy
When your married friends are like "wow that must be so hard" but don't suggest guys for you.