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  • The Archer

How To Succeed in Dating Without Really Trying.

Updated: Nov 11, 2020

Poor Daniel Radcliffe. They thought he was going to be a blockbuster movie star one day. Then he grew and grew and grew, and, like a good Jewish boy, stopped at 5'5. Now he is relegated to best friend gigs and Broadway musicals since no one wants to see a superhero be anything less than 6'0. But, as the past star of "How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying" can tell you, there's a good trick for everything worth doing. Work smarter, not harder. And hey, Dan? At least you aren't Rupert Grint. He's trying to make it in Hollywood as a ginger.

But Daniel as a broadway star has given us a good blueprint for life: Succeed, but for gosh sakes you should not have to try! So what are the tricks to succeeding in dating without really trying,? Emulate the third member of our trio, Emma Watson, and become super hot unexpectedly during puberty but in a way that still reminds guys of their childhood. A cute accent helps as well.

I wish I could tell you a way to make your dating easier. But, like the casting directors of the Harry Potter series can attest, you start and you can't be sure exactly what you'll end up with. However, if you are on this page you either know me (hi guys!) or are looking for a bit of help. Like the Weasley twins passing down the Marauder's Map, I have a bit of knowledge that might get you out of the castle and into Hogsmede where you can drink all the Butterbeer you want.

Tip #1: Record Everything

Wherever you are in your dating life, you should begin to record. I suggest a 3 tabbed spreadsheet, boys you've gone out with, shadchans you've spoken to and resumes you've seen and turned down/have turned you down. As an optimistic young person I did not make this spreadsheet because

  1. I was going to marry one of the first few guys I dated and have 3 kids by 25

  2. I was going to remember everything that ever happened to me forever

Neither of these turned out to be true. Today I am happily chugging my way towards guy #50 and recently I forgot exactly how Krum defeated the dragon in the first task (Conjunctivitis Curse.) Having charts like these will help you to know what happened when boys and shadchans come around again. And trust me, they will come around again. Sometimes I think there are only 6 single guys in the entire world and I am just dating them all in a circle.

Tip #2: Numbers Don't Lie

Elsewhere on this blog I will explore my own data and how I can extrapolate some information from it. It is important to have everything written down because you will be asked by friends and Shadchans alike things like:

Where are most of the guys you have dated from?

Who sets you up?

Where do you normally go on dates?

And, if you have a chart, you'll have the answers ready. You'll also be able to see any trends you are following that you may want to avoid.

Tip #3: Goal!

When I played soccer for a hot minute in the fourth grade, I was the goalie. This worked because I was terrified of the ball hitting my precious face (at 10, I already knew what I was working with) so if it ever came near me I had the reflexes to swat it away from me and as long as I stayed near the goal, away from me was also away from the goal.

For dating this has come in handy as well as I often need to swat things away from my face. Just kidding! The only thing getting close to this face is full pints of Haagen Daz. The real goalie work that I do requires knowing what my goal is and only allowing the right kind of balls in the goal

Goal: To fulfill my purpose on this Earth of serving Hashem, hopefully with a husband at my side who elevates me (and I, him) in our goal to grow closer to Hashem and my other goal of having all the fun and reading all the books.

Not the goal: To get married.

The sooner that you figure out what your goal is the better. It changes the way that you date.

I also want to point out that if your singular goal is to get married that is also ok. You just have to know that your dating and my dating will differ.

Tip #4: Party in the USA

Imagine that you get on a plane and you have no idea how long the journey is. Do you start watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy from beginning to end or just an episode of 30 Rock? How many ambiens do you take? OTHER PEOPLE DON'T TAKE AMBIENS ON PLANES???? What do you do, fall asleep naturally like a PEASANT??? Insanity.

If you didn't get my thinly veiled parable you may want to see someone about that. I

'll spell it out for you anyway:

Dating=journey that you don't know how long it is. Kind of like life but with more anxiety.

Unlike life, it doesn't end at the end, you just reach a new destination. Therefore, while you want to be productive on the airplane, you're also 10 miles in the air and you can't really control things. So have fun! Pick up a new hobby, learn a language, travel to all the places your parents said were tacky and use this time to enjoy yourself. Remember-Lo b'shamayim he means you can watch whatever you want in an airplane.

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