*Pop culture reference*
*Pop culture reference*
*Pop culture reference*
If you have ever spoken to me or read my writing you might have noticed that I like the occasional pop culture reference or seven. I've always liked pop culture as it is a way to access drama while maintaining a strict schedule and not allowing any of that drama into your actual life. Pop culture also changes rapidly which is good for me because I get bored before I get interested. I don't remember ever not being vaguely bored which is because I am a fire sign (Sag) with an ascendant fire sign (Aries). So yes, school was rough for me and thanks to school I can go through multiple fantasy Quidditch teams and the benefits and drawbacks of each.
Because I'm so enamored with pop culture, with the world in general and everything it has to offer, I'm often confused by people who are...content. I am also confused by people who like themselves and people who are secure and people who are happy and don't take pills. If you are one of those people, you are weird and I am judging you. It's the 2020s time to get dark and twisty. But people who are content confuse me the most. Boy #20 was one of those.
I went out with Boy #20 for 2 reasons: his resume said Harvard and Stamford. I wanted the sweatshirts. I had a whole Legally Blonde (I'm a brunette but leave me alone) thing planned for Purim and also every day when I walked down the street wearing the Harvard sweatshirt gifted to me by my husband.
Also got great recommendations from his references and such but who cares. Harvard sweatshirt.
I'm aware of the massive cliché of girls taking their boyfriend's sweatshirts but I happen to believe that women stealing sweatshirts is payback for years of misogyny, rape, abuse, patriarchal power structures and more that have been waged against women. Wearing your man's sweatshirt is fighting the good fight.
So I arranged a date with Harvard, asking him to meet me at a Barnes and Noble near my therapist's office. This was a trick I often used so that I could go straight from therapy into a date without starting the date actually in my therapist's office. Time saving tricks: it's what New Yorkers are known for.
He decided we didn't need to leave the Barnes and Noble and we could just sit in the cafe which we did. I nursed a water and we spoke. I remember approximately zero of what we talked about.
Then he said goodbye and I went off to find a subway to take me home.
Now I am going to transit (get it? Cause public transit?) into a segway called:
Dangerous situations you put yourself in
By The Archer
Many of us put ourselves into dangerous situations. We go to movies where we could be shot or airports where we could be shot or elementary schools filled with children where we will probably be shot. I have gone to concerts where the likelihood of stampede is high. But my most frequent danger usually goes like this:
Archer goes out to do something fun (usually a movie)
Archer doesn't realize how long she will want to spend at something fun
Archer leaves something fun and realizes it's midnight
Archer looks up prices for Ubers
"Due to popularity we have surge pricing in effect"
Surge pricing? It's midnight on a Tuesday in January. WHAT POSSIBLE SURGE IS THERE?
Takes the subway with keys between knuckles
Once again is within millimeters of being savagely attacked or murdered (Or worse expelled) in order to save $23.99
Gets home safe no thanks to me.
Clearly I need to work on my personal safety priorities.
However, when a guy jeopardizes my personal safety it's a different story.
Harvard left me to get home at 10 pm on a Thursday and didn't text or call to be sure I was ok.
And as someone who takes the subway at midnight or worse frequently I was LIVID.
I texted multiple friends and all of my roommates to let them know that I had been heartlessly abandoned and no one was watching out for me and I was sure to be raped at any moment and worse they might take my phone. I told my mother this. And because I have good friends I was met with the reaction that I wanted, various versions of "How could he? You are an irresistible and weak young child who needs constant vigilance. He should have an armored car with a delegation like the President or Queen have ready for you."
And, I mean, they aren't wrong. I just left out the fact that I practically live on the midnight subway.
Because when I choose to put myself in danger that's my choice. When a guy inadvertently puts me in danger it means he isn't thinking about my needs and the very many ways in which I can be murdered.
But I gave him a second date. Because Harvard.
We went to a games lounge and played board games and I destroyed him at Blokus which was exciting for me because, as I may have mentioned, he went to Harvard.
He pulled out the game Perfect Matches, a Jewish game that centers around asking your partner trivia and interrogation questions. I assume they play it in Guantanamo Bay.
And, naturally my answers all led to stories (if you can't tell by now I have a lot to say always you may need to work on reading comprehension) and many of these stories had pop culture references all of which were flying over his head.
Which is fine. I don't need a partner who likes all of the same things I like. We can overlap on a few things (steaks, summer baseball, staring at our phones as quality time) and have differing interests.
But then Harvard said "Why would anyone want to know pop culture?"
And I was like wait. There are people, real people, in the world who DON'T want to know?
Harvard was content, happy in his sphere that he had built for himself.
I've never found a sphere, I'm more of a blob that keeps engulfing everything around it. Sort of like....cancer.
But blobs and spheres don't get married so Harvard was dumped and I deleted the cookies on my computer that were linked to Harvard sweatshirts, sweatpants and lingerie.
A year or two later I ran into Harvard on a single's Shabbaton where I drank too much and marched through the streets of Monsey singing an impassioned 'Flightless Bird American Mouth.' Actually, to be very honest, I was not that drunk. That is how I behave sober. But Harvard drove me home and on the way he asked me what he could do to improve his dating and be better as he really wants to get married. I was impressed by this humility and self awareness and I told him that no girl wants to be left to traverse the subway by herself and that safety for girls is a much bigger issue than it is for boys.
I had the self growth by that point not to tell him that being content in life is a major turn off. Because I think he'll find a girl who is content and they'll be happy together. I hope that happens for him.
For me, I'm going to need someone else who is hungry. Someone else who is swallowing everything around and asking for more.
A Harvard sweatshirt would be a nice bonus.