Check Me Against Your List and See Consistency
Originally when I began blogging my dating stories, I figured I would be consistent. Consistency is something I am naturally good at: give me a weekly or biweekly task to complete and I will do it forever.
Unfortunately I haven't been able to live up to my own high standards when it comes to writing. There are weeks where, as you may have noticed, I have ideas constantly. There are cultural moments on which to comment and personal events on which to expound.
For the times when the words don't flow as naturally, I can always go back to my chart. My chart, "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" has all of the information I need to bring back all of my dating stories.
Only, I've been going back to my chart to add content and it looks like I may have covered everyone at some point or another. I am now retelling the part of my history where I was a dater with a dating blog, like looking in a mirror behind a mirror behind a mirror.
Of course I'll keep sharing the stories where I find inspiration. It's also getting harder for me to be inspired because I can no longer blame the mistakes I have made on youth or inexperience or being overly trusting. The later mistakes were made by adult Archer and I wish adult Archer knew better. I wish she was never wrong and more emotionally available and less swayed by food and worked out more and also that she got married at 22 after her younger sister did to give her just enough trauma and difficulty to be one of those people who can say she had been through it but without having to actually go through it.
But I'm here, actually in an airport. I fly around the world looking for peace, so I spend a lot of time in the airport. I won't find peace coming off of a plane but I can't stop looking. And I'm still alone and I'm still making mistakes. And the stories are less funny now, the stories are of a me who feels like this me and the tears feel more raw and recent.
Plus, I have mined these stories for specific points I have wanted to make elsewhere on this site. I don't want to be repetitive but I do want to be consistent and to be consistent I may need to repeat some content.
It's another milestone I didn't want to make it to while single.
I didn't want to finish writing about all of the guys I've dated while I was still dating.
I didn't want to see my freshmens' freshmen graduate. Of course, now my freshmens' freshmens' freshmen have graduated. This might be an exclusively small town thing.
I didn't want a new license without a new last name.
I wanted my first real apartment to be the only one with roommates. It wasn't.
So I guess the one thing I can always be consistent on is self pity. Not what I was aiming for but I'll take it.
Only self pity does not a successful blog build. You come for articles to poop to, timed to your bigger poops, two to three times a week. It isn't helpful when I dip for three weeks or give you eight articles in six days. I have been on the internet long enough to know that.
So I wrack my brain for new ideas and some method to keep myself sharp as life takes turns that soften my edges. I also look for the energy to create as life tries to tamp me down to my bed, unable to muster the energy to complete tasks, much less create something new.
I can't promise you anything but I can tell you that I notice my own inconsistency and it bothers me nearly as much as it bothers you.
I just have other things to do while I poop.