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  • The Archer

A Deep and Intimate Question

I was at a wedding recently when I realized that I have a real question about marriage that has never been answered. I'll remind you that I am no spring chicken when it comes to questions about marriage and have been using my spy like reflexes to google things and ask inappropriate questions directly since I was a child. But no one has ever answered the following for me.

What exactly do married people think about at weddings?

I know. Suddenly all you singles out there are like "that is exactly what I was wondering." I'll tell you how I knew you were all wondering this. I was moving in a circle, as I have moved in a circle many times before around a girl in a white dress and "wooing" at the appropriate times. Jewish dancing is not very complicated and though I have the dancing talent of an intoxicated sloth, I am able to maneuver the whole moving in a circle clockwise thing and think about other things.

And naturally my thoughts always stray to my own wedding and how it will look when I dance with my mom, grandma, and the hierarchy in which I will put my friends.*

*Yes I have decided in which order I will dance with my friends. Whoever is reading this now just know you are way further down than you would think.

I also know the times when I am going to start bawling (every time it is possible. People will be hydrating me just so I can get more tears out.) and approximately when I am going to sit down. At the weddings I attend currently I pay attention. I love people watching and learning a bit more about the two families that are joining by watching the human drama of the dance. It is also why Simchas Torah is my favorite holiday. And everything I learn, the things I want to do and want to avoid, I apply to that dreamscape space called "my perfect wedding" in my brain.

But that's what I assume is happening in the minds of every single girl at the party.

So what on earth will happen if I am ever married and need to attend a wedding? What will I think about?

At this point the weddings I will have left to attend when I am married include my cousins children and I guess my friends kids? The children I babysat for 6 years ago?

But if there is still a sun in the sky there will still be dancing and it will still be in a clockwise circle.

This is where I turn to you, my readers, and ask: if you have already executed your perfect or not so perfect wedding, than what on earth do you think about during the wedding's of your friends? Have your brains just become so focused on future dinner recipes you cannot think of anything else? Is it more taxing to move clockwise in a circle once you have had children?

Someone help me please. I am dying to know.

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