- The Archer
2021: Is This Real Life?
We somehow made it through our second year of global plague with a mix of optimism, ignorance, and sticking our hands over our eyes and hoping everything would disappear.
This was a healthier year of dating for me than 2020 was. Mostly because in 2020 my main goal was to go out with guys so that they would be forced to buy me dinner. With every dating option other than restaurants that had moved to outdoor huts (but not Sukkahs) closed and the general feeling that we were all going to die, I wasn't really motivated to date well.
But then the year flipped over, things slowly began to open, and I got my vaccine the moment I was eligible. I spent the summer traveling because I needed to combine my postponed trips from 2020 and my planned trips of 2021 into one big summer extravaganza. Notable quotes from people in my life included "do you ever work?"-my parents, siblings, and physical therapist. To which I responded: I do work. I just plan out all of my allotted time off days with a precision that would scare the army.
And I dated. I decided to have standards other than "will he buy me food" so I met fewer guys than I did in 2020-9 guys to last year's 11. However 9 is still better than 2019 me ( 8) and 2018 me (7).
Because of my standards the dates were generally better. I went on second dates with 5/9 of them and third dates with 2. Plus there was one I would have gone on a second date with but he was delusional and his delusion was that he wasn't madly in love with me.
There were still issues. The one who started every. single. sentence. with the phrase "long story short." The one with the combover. The one with the facial birth defect no one bothered to mention to me until he showed up.
But there were a few really good dates. I was given some good food and a couple of the guys were seriously attractive.
This year I got two great dates out of Saw You At Sinai and two miserable dates from the same. I got one miserable date out of Jswipe. Friends set me up with three lovely guys for a 100% success rate. No "typical" shadchan set me up this year. Thanks guys. You are truly doing G-D's work.
One date I got as a "you're here let's date" which I chronicled earlier in the blog.
The negatives that I focus on include the chasm between the nerds-the boys who are timid and unassuming and feel to me like they are looking for someone to take care of them rather than a partner, and the boys who are a little more dominant in their personalities but are inconsiderate and often searching.
But the positives are there too. I feel I'm getting closer to my hashkafic match in the guys I am seeing. At least, my first date idealized hashkafic match. My fifth date by-the-way-I'm-a-crazy-person-in-this-house-we-worship-Taylor-Swift-fuck-the-patriarchy match is still a reach.
Oddly, 7/9 of the guys I dated were from the tri-state area. Only two really qualified as out of town: Silver Spring and Cleveland.
Let's see if I remember the jobs. Amazon seller, logistics manager, 2 home care managers, a consultant, two accountants, one in finance, a lawyer and ZERO DOCTORS.
When it bubbles down to the end of the year I think I can say that I've grown as a dater and grown as a person. I may want to wallow in the negatives (and I do that loads and loads of the time) but this process is moving forward and that's all I can ask for.
See you when we're all feeling 22.