- The Archer
10 Best Songs to Propose With
I was recently discussing with a coworker which songs would be the absolute worst to propose marriage to someone with. I decided to stream all of my thoughts into a palatable article for you, my dearest reader.
This is also me writing a love letter to Broadway, the place where I've spent way too much of the last month of my life.
There is no better way to say I want to spend the rest of my life with you than to immediately set up rolls in the marriage. And there is no better way to do that than with this song. There are also helpful parts for the girl to sing about how she is going to stay out of her man's way. This is also a great song if you are deciding to become a Mormon.
Important lyrics:
You and me, but mostly me Are gonna change the world forever 'Cause I can do most anything (And I can stand next to you and watch)
Every hero needs a sidekick Every captain needs a mate (Aye, aye) Every dinner needs a side dish On a slightly smaller plate
And now we're seeing eye to eye It's so great, we can agree That Heavenly Father has chosen you and me Just mostly me
And as long as we stick together
(And I stay out of your way)
Out of my way
We'll change the world forever
And then tomorrow a latter day
Mostly me
We all fear settling, but why not lean into it a little? If it makes sense it's better than trying to find recipes that work for one. Propose with this and you'll both get where you are emotionally from day one.
Important lyrics:
When we’re together
I feel so grand
My heart goes tippity-tap-tap-tap
When I hold your hand
But I know there’s another guy
You fancy more
So, even though
I’m not the one you adore
Why not...
Settle for me
Darling, just settle for me
I think you’ll have to agree
We make quite a pair
I know I’m only second place in this game
But like two-percent milk
Or seitan beef
I almost taste the same
So won’t you settle for me
Come on and settle for me
Say yes or no before I choke on all this swallowed pride
I have no problem being picked out from the bottom
If he’s your broken condom, I’m Plan B!
So lower those expectations and settle for me
Your man just wants you to remember that you are getting married so that he can feel good about conquesting you. If you do not act interested in him 24/7 he'll absolutely panic. And you would be insane-no completely MAD-to say no. But keep it spicy or he'll get bored. He's warning you now.
Important lyrics:
Did I abuse her or show her disdain
Why does she run from me
If I should lose her how shall I regain
The heart she has won from me
Agony
Beyond power of speech
When the one thing you want
Is the only thing out of your reach
Agony
All the torture they teach
What's as intriguing or half so fatiguing
As what's out of reach
Am I not sensitive, clever,
Well-mannered, considerate,
Passionate, charming, as kind as I'm handsome
And heir to a throne
You are everything maidens could wish for
Then why no
Do I know
The girls must be mad
YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH FOR ANYONE SO PLEASE GIVE UP. It's good to establish this very early in the relationship. You are there and it is NOT ENOUGH. (Please don't listen to the beginning of the song, it contradicts the joke.) Let your kallah know you are going to need more from the get go.
Important lyrics:
All the shine of a thousand spotlights
All the stars we steal from the night sky
Will never be enough
Never be enough
Towers of gold are still too little
These hands could hold the world but it'll
Never be enough
Never be enough
For me
What's the issue dear? Why are you holding back from such a man? Look: men suck. You are taking on a lifetime job of trying to teach him to be a mildly decent human. And then everyone will remember you only for 'fixing' this debased animal. So propose to her by letting her know you're on board to do what she wants. And that you have bugs.
Important lyrics:
He’s just a bit of a fixer-upper
He’s got a couple of bugs
His isolation is confirmation
Of his desperation for human hugs
So he’s a bit of a fixer-upper
But we know what to do
The way to fix up this fixer-upper
Is to fix him up with you!
At this pivotal time it is important to reveal all of your mental illnesses and how they will manifest. This song does a lot of that for you.
Important lyrics:
… Listen everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for A wedding. What's a wedding? It's a prehistoric ritual Where everybody promises fidelity forever, Which is maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of, Which is followed by a honeymoon, where suddenly he'll realize He's saddled with a nut, and want to kill me, which he should. Thanks a bunch, but I'm not getting married Go have lunch, 'cause I'm not getting married You've been grand, but I'm not getting married Don't just stand there, I'm not getting married And don't tell Paul, but I'm not getting married today.
… Go! Can't you go? Why is nobody listening? Goodbye! Go and cry At another person's wake. If you're quick, for a kick You could pick up a christening But please, on my knees, There's a human life at stake!
… Listen everybody, I'm afraid you didn't hear Or do you want to see a crazy lady fall apart in front of you? It isn't only Paul who would be ruining his life You know, we'll both of us be losing our identities I telephoned my shrink about it, and he said to come to see him Monday But by Monday I'll be floating in the Hudson with the other garbage. I'm not well, so I'm not getting married You've been swell, but I'm not getting married Clear the hall, 'cause I'm not getting married Thank you all, but I'm not getting married And don't tell Paul, but I'm not getting married today.
This is inappropriate to propose with because it is about a prostitute who has her first john and it is not a good experience and now she is going to die from the fastest acting STD in all of history. Also all dreams die.
Important Lyrics:
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream
I dreamed
Finally, if you are going to propose you should let her know what a great gift, no a total miracle, she is getting. Your mommy said so.
Important Lyrics:
My mummy says I'm a miracle.
One look at my face, and it's plain to see.
Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord,
It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me!
My daddy says I'm his special little soldier.
No one is as bold or tough as me.
Has my daddy told you,
One day when I'm older,
I can be a soldier,
And shoot you in the face?